It’s 4pm on a Saturday and I’ve spent the entire day moping around and feeling bad for myself. This shit needs to stop. I spent $23 on a lunch that made my officially not so extremely low carb anymore (sushi, nom). I’ve been thinking about this for a week now, and I’m trying not to make myself feel bad about it. Now I’m drinking a coffee light Frappuccino and focusing on positive self talk.
I’m also using myfitnesspal to make sure I don’t unintentionally eat 3000 calories, or overload on carbohydrates. I did keto/ LCHF for six and a half weeks. In three weeks I lost weight, then I didn’t lose any after that. Weeks of adjusting my meals and obsessively reading about keto and stalls brought me to a breaking point. Sure, I might try LCHF again, I believe in it to an extend but it wasn’t bringing me what it promised: weight loss, energy, less appetite, satiation.
And medically I need to watch my carbs. That’s one truth I can’t ignore. I can see it in the blood work. So going forward I’m still stumbling but I’m not giving up. I’m searching for balance that works for me.
So what are you doing about your health?
I’m almost twenty-six years old and somehow I have yet to manage finding the perfect breakfast. Seriously. When I worked closing shifts in past jobs, or when I was unemployed, I didn’t wake up in time for breakfast. When I was in high school and before I recall eating cereal (and being starving approximately ten minutes later).
This morning I mixed milk with a chocolate Weight Watchers shake mix. It tastes delicious, but the milk is making me feel sick (a random onset of lactose intolerance, anyone?). I tend to stop at Dunkin’ Donuts for bagels with cream cheese, but admittingly that leads to me eating an entire muffin or donut soon after. And being hungry within a couple hours. (Because I’m eating all shit, I know that). I’ve tried eating only fruit. I’ve tried cereal (it was somewhat a success with Grapenuts, but my mom stopped buying them because I was eating them…? and also I need something I don’t have to eat at my house because I don’t always have time).
When I first got to Italy, I had fresh squeezed orange juice and yogurt in the mornings. It didn’t take long before I was eating pastries, though. My favourite were the ones with chocolate in the middle. When I was in Rome I ate cannolis for breakfast one morning (cannolis are harder to find in Northern Italy where I mostly stayed). It was delicious and satisfying. And for some reason I don’t recall being hungry an hour after.
The biggest problem I have with breakfasts is being hungry an hour or so later. And it’s not just that I feel like little hungry, it’s that all of a sudden I need another meal.
The only time I don’t feel that way is if I eat an egg sandwich (it has to be a sandwich, eggs on their own don’t do anything else). But really I’m not a huge fan of eggs. And eating them on bagels from Dunkin’ Donuts is a little too much.
For a while I was eating greek yogurt with nuts and sometimes chocolate chips. I seem to remember that doing the job, but I can’t seem to remember why I stopped eating it.
So on to trying something new tomorrow, though I have no idea what as of right now. Maybe some more yogurt. I love Chobani.
What do you eat for breakfast?
Anything and everything that is on my mind right at this moment. Because I know I’m less likely to bother free writing if I don’t have an audience.
It’s 11:39pm on a night where I spent the entire day waiting for bed time. If anyone was curious at all, I know you aren’t, it’s 4:39am in Portugal though it’s likely he is still up, he is not online. Last night at this time we were talking. I’m drinking peppermint tea. I’ve often heard how wonderful it can be for cramps and bloating and those sorts of things, and for some reason I’ve been somewhat intimidated by the idea of peppermint in my tea, for I wonder how strong it would be and if I would like it. In the midst of my week long stomach sickness (which now seems to be cured, except my symptoms seem to be urging in the opposite direction. Hence the cramps. Ow.) I decided to buy a package. I am infamous (at least, to myself and my mom) for buying different boxes of tea and hardly ever drinking them. It isn’t that I don’t like tea, because I do love it. It’s that hot drinks burn my tongue so easily and the thought becomes too much of a burden to actually follow through with. Regardless I must say; this peppermint tea, sweetened with two packets of TruVIA (or however they like to capitalize on that) is very sweet and pepperminty. It’s the most effective when it’s (surprise surprise!) inside my mouth and I can feel the hot liquid sliding down my throat. And then my belly feels warm and my tongue feels cool and peppermint-y. My dog is barking at me. He knows I’m in my room so he stands at the very edge of the kitchen and barks down the hallway. When I went into the kitchen he sat and looked up at me and let me pet him and lay down and wanted me to pet him some more. I reached down and leg my shoulders drop, my back made some cracking noises, my muscles were stretched momentarily. I was reminded that I need to go back to yoga. I am going to go tomorrow. Back in my room I turn my light off and close the door. I tell Kate that I want to quit my job and spend all day writing. I wonder; why isn’t my life set up like this by now? Isn’t it what I always wanted? I feel like I’m a bit of a masochist sometimes. Especially when it’s not intentional. She tells me to start right now. Either way it feels so far away. But she’s right. If I don’t, it’ll only take longer to happen in the long run. There are four things that I need to happen in my life, four things that I need to focus on; health, writing, traveling and paying off everything. I need to start with all these little steps and that’s when I get overwhelmed. I’m so good at making plans, and terrible at following through. It’s been three years since I graduated college and I feel like I’m even further away from my dreams than I was three years ago. Yes, I am definitely further away, but wiser just the same.