Reflections on 2013

Oh 2013 how you’ve thrown me for so many loops. I have tried and failed so many times. I have changed the way I look at things because of you. And I leave you the the midst of some major soul searching and a little heartbreak. You know, the good kind of heartbreak that eventually will make life even better than before. That kind.

I started 2013 out by watching the sun rise and writing down everything I wanted to get rid of in 2013. I cut those words up and let them fly free, then I wrote words that I wanted for myself.

I took opportunities that I would not have sought out before. I risked rejection many times.

I danced on a stage for the first time in many years. It was liberating and just as fun as it was when I was a little younger.

I dated a little here and there until I found someone who I spent an entire season with, and not any time longer than that. Fall was the time of J. Things have changed, but that doesn’t take back everything amazing that happened in those three months.

I didn’t complete NaNoWriMo.

I interned at a library over the summer.

I was a bridesmaid in one of my high school friends’ weddings.

I went to Memphis to watch a friend graduate with a Masters degree. I flew to North Carolina to stay in South Carolina and see Hanson in Georgia.

I got pictures with Taylor and Isaac Hanson.

I turned 29 and wrote nine things I learned in my twenties

I talked to Francesca Lia Block, and saw her at a book reading

I took lots of bubble baths

I discovered Duck and Bunny and obsessed over Lush and Teavanna

I thought about changing this blog into something else and then changed my mind

I joined Weight Watchers for the eight hundredth time a few weeks ago and lost 10.2 pounds so far

I wrote about dying to be alive

In the beginning of January this year I wrote a list of things I wanted to do this year. Thirteen of them. And I completed about three. But that’s okay. There are so many other things that went on, so many other things that I did and didn’t do and thought about and wrote and took chances on. And that’s what it’s about anyway, right?

xo
Melanie Kristy

Merry Christmas

I hope you are all having a Merry Christmas. My family’s has been filled with grief and mine has included a lot of heartbreak, but we will all get through it okay.

I hope to have more to say right now.

Tell people you love them. As much as possible.

I love you
Melanie

Christmas 2013

This holiday season seems to be passing quicker than ever. I’m not finished with my shopping yet and while I know that’s not abnormal, it is for me. It just seems to be taking a bit longer to collect my thoughts and make myself go out and get what I need. J and I watched Frosty the other day and the night before we drove around and looked at lots of Christmas lights. This week we are decorating a gingerbread house and I hope to watch more Christmas movies. Today while I wrapped I listened to Hanson’s Snowed In album on loud, and I danced around while I searched my house for the items I needed to wrap.

Reverb & Writing

In my last post I talked about Reverb10 and my attempts to use prompts to get back into writing and reflecting. It turns out Reverb was basically made for that purpose (though I initially thought it was for beginning a new year). It’s for endings and beginnings, bridging gaps between months.

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?

Today I wrote open your heart even if it has hairline fractures.

This year writing was forgotten to burn out, fatigue, homework and busyness. I’m currently procrastinating working on finishing a research paper on Young Adult Public Library Services in order to bring this post to you. I’m full of Curried Squash Soup and too sweet words through Facebook chat. I couldn’t finish NaNoWriMo this November because of mental blocks, my own lack of preparedness and hitting that proverbial wall that made it so I just couldn’t. (That wall is also what I hit earlier when I was attempting to paste quotes into my paper and write around them in ways that make me sound intelligent. That’s why the break for soup and more -different- words became important).

24,000 words of story, new story and emotional word vomit. I told my boyfriend I was writing the story of my life, and what it turned into was 6,000 words of my own destruction, liking biting my tongue to prevent emotion from spilling out while I was sitting in a public restaurant borrowing wi-fi and doing so much eating. I wanted to keep going with that emotional word vomit, the story of my life. To find the catharsis that makes writing worth it, important, a way through. And yet I stopped midway through. But that story isn’t over. I’m still here weaving between working and writing and reading and the everything else. So for now Reverb is my word-vomit. December is, apparently, the month of words.

Instead of writing I play mindless iPhone games, opt to sleep more, lay around zoned out, go shopping, stuff my face with extra calories and complain about pointless things.

I constantly come to the conclusion that I need to write. NEED. To. write.
And yet.

And yet I need to create time and space for thoughts, allow imagination to exist without my every day. Be inspired. Love.

What’s keeping you from writing? Or doing whatever it is that you NEED to do?

love
Melanie Kristy

 

You can read other Reverb journeys from a few of my writer friends, too.

Jess
Jessa

December 1 2013. Writing and reverb.

Reverb10 started as a set of daily writing prompts. I believe it was to start off the year with words and thoughts. I can no longer find the original site (I think it has been taken down) but one of my writing friends Jess mentioned she was interested in giving it a go this month so I thought I would join in.

I need words, badly. I didn’t “win” NaNoWriMo this year for a number of reasons and it’s partly because I need to figure out how to get writing back into my life on an authentic way, but also in a way that doesn’t force more words out of an almost finished story or constant vigilance when I’m in the middle of classes and assignments and everything else. I want to start this December off in the right way and to begin with words seems appropriate.

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2013 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2014 for you?

Challenge.

There have been many challenges in 2013 and I feel like those shook up my year more than normal years past. Many challenges have been lovely and have brought joy, but sometimes it’s a challenge just to fit new parts of life into old parts. When things change life brings about different dynamics that make everyday life a little different. I’ve changed locations at work, danced in a stage for the first time since 2005, started (and ended) an internship at a library among many other things.

I want 2014 to be: present. Adventure. Love.

I can choose. But I want life to be these words, too.