Anything and everything that is on my mind right at this moment. Because I know I’m less likely to bother free writing if I don’t have an audience.
It’s 11:39pm on a night where I spent the entire day waiting for bed time. If anyone was curious at all, I know you aren’t, it’s 4:39am in Portugal though it’s likely he is still up, he is not online. Last night at this time we were talking. I’m drinking peppermint tea. I’ve often heard how wonderful it can be for cramps and bloating and those sorts of things, and for some reason I’ve been somewhat intimidated by the idea of peppermint in my tea, for I wonder how strong it would be and if I would like it. In the midst of my week long stomach sickness (which now seems to be cured, except my symptoms seem to be urging in the opposite direction. Hence the cramps. Ow.) I decided to buy a package. I am infamous (at least, to myself and my mom) for buying different boxes of tea and hardly ever drinking them. It isn’t that I don’t like tea, because I do love it. It’s that hot drinks burn my tongue so easily and the thought becomes too much of a burden to actually follow through with. Regardless I must say; this peppermint tea, sweetened with two packets of TruVIA (or however they like to capitalize on that) is very sweet and pepperminty. It’s the most effective when it’s (surprise surprise!) inside my mouth and I can feel the hot liquid sliding down my throat. And then my belly feels warm and my tongue feels cool and peppermint-y. My dog is barking at me. He knows I’m in my room so he stands at the very edge of the kitchen and barks down the hallway. When I went into the kitchen he sat and looked up at me and let me pet him and lay down and wanted me to pet him some more. I reached down and leg my shoulders drop, my back made some cracking noises, my muscles were stretched momentarily. I was reminded that I need to go back to yoga. I am going to go tomorrow. Back in my room I turn my light off and close the door. I tell Kate that I want to quit my job and spend all day writing. I wonder; why isn’t my life set up like this by now? Isn’t it what I always wanted? I feel like I’m a bit of a masochist sometimes. Especially when it’s not intentional. She tells me to start right now. Either way it feels so far away. But she’s right. If I don’t, it’ll only take longer to happen in the long run. There are four things that I need to happen in my life, four things that I need to focus on; health, writing, traveling and paying off everything. I need to start with all these little steps and that’s when I get overwhelmed. I’m so good at making plans, and terrible at following through. It’s been three years since I graduated college and I feel like I’m even further away from my dreams than I was three years ago. Yes, I am definitely further away, but wiser just the same.