Late(ish for my work hours) Night Hours.

Anything and everything that is on my mind right at this moment. Because I know I’m less likely to bother free writing if I don’t have an audience.

It’s 11:39pm on a night where I spent the entire day waiting for bed time. If anyone was curious at all, I know you aren’t, it’s 4:39am in Portugal though it’s likely he is still up, he is not online. Last night at this time we were talking. I’m drinking peppermint tea. I’ve often heard how wonderful it can be for cramps and bloating and those sorts of things, and for some reason I’ve been somewhat intimidated by the idea of peppermint in my tea, for I wonder how strong it would be and if I would like it. In the midst of my week long stomach sickness (which now seems to be cured, except my symptoms seem to be urging in the opposite direction. Hence the cramps. Ow.) I decided to buy a package. I am infamous (at least, to myself and my mom) for buying different boxes of tea and hardly ever drinking them. It isn’t that I don’t like tea, because I do love it. It’s that hot drinks burn my tongue so easily and the thought becomes too much of a burden to actually follow through with. Regardless I must say; this peppermint tea, sweetened with two packets of TruVIA (or however they like to capitalize on that) is very sweet and pepperminty. It’s the most effective when it’s (surprise surprise!) inside my mouth and I can feel the hot liquid sliding down my throat. And then my belly feels warm and my tongue feels cool and peppermint-y. My dog is barking at me. He knows I’m in my room so he stands at the very edge of the kitchen and barks down the hallway. When I went into the kitchen he sat and looked up at me and let me pet him and lay down and wanted me to pet him some more. I reached down and leg my shoulders drop, my back made some cracking noises, my muscles were stretched momentarily. I was reminded that I need to go back to yoga. I am going to go tomorrow. Back in my room I turn my light off and close the door. I tell Kate that I want to quit my job and spend all day writing. I wonder; why isn’t my life set up like this by now? Isn’t it what I always wanted? I feel like I’m a bit of a masochist sometimes. Especially when it’s not intentional. She tells me to start right now. Either way it feels so far away. But she’s right. If I don’t, it’ll only take longer to happen in the long run. There are four things that I need to happen in my life, four things that I need to focus on; health, writing, traveling and paying off everything. I need to start with all these little steps and that’s when I get overwhelmed. I’m so good at making plans, and terrible at following through. It’s been three years since I graduated college and I feel like I’m even further away from my dreams than I was three years ago. Yes, I am definitely further away, but wiser just the same.

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4 thoughts on “Late(ish for my work hours) Night Hours.

  1. My dad always says to focus on the why and the how will come later (especially in cases of money).
    So, instead of saying, “I want to go to Italy, but I need more money.” You’re supposed to say, “I want to go to Italy because it will make me feel more whole.” Apparently this strategy works for two reasons: 1. Sometimes people want to help you. 2. It helps you find different avenues of accomplishing the goals. (The famous story he uses is the girl in the 40s who wanted to go to college, but she had no money. So, she showed up to register for classes, and some wealthy person heard her telling her story in the registrar’s office and gave her tuition money in exchange for helping keep house.)
    This also works when you’re trying to come up with ideas…in my life, right now, I am trying to figure out what career I want. So, I ask myself why a new career? And the answers are pointing me in directions I didn’t previously always think of…which is better than thinking “How can I get a new job?” which is what I’ve been doing for seven months, and has failed me for seven months.
    Just another thing to think about as you’re thinking about your bite-sized, four-part plan.
    Also, keep writing. I like reading!

    • This reminds me of the story in Under The Tuscan Sun about how they started building railroads in some part of Italy (or somewhere, haha I don’t remember the details) before it was even fathomable for trains to reach that far. Ummm ATM time but I’ll be back!

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